Posted on 25 March 2012.
Welcome to another edition of the Dream Date series where I detail what would happen if I went out on a date with a famous hottie. Check out my Tom Hardy, Justin Bieber and Taylor Kitsch posts. Will I ever find true love? Probably not.
Full disclosure, dream date/ Hunger Games fans: Yesterday I wrote out this a totally different Dream Date with Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth. Then I realized, I know nothing about either of those two dudes. It’s not that I don’t like them, but they’re kind of boring? I’m just saying as far as dream dating goes, I’ll let Miley and Vanessa take them. who I do want to date, however is Peeta and Gale. Because who wouldn’t want two hot revolutionaries fighting over you? that Katniss, she just don’t know how good she’s got it.
All Hunger Games news here!
6:00- after a long day of being hungry (which is the primary job title of District 12) I’m ready to go out. Turns out being hungry is like, super stressful and I want to unwind. Peeta come by earlier with bread. He knows the way to a girl’s heart is carbs, delicious sourdough carbs, rather than a bouquet of flowers. We’re going out for a walk, but that’s really the only thing we can do. I mean, it’s not like there’s a good bar with skeeball around here.
6:13- Peeta shows up, square cut jaw and all, and he looks surprisingly decent considering everyone is usually just filthy here. I happened to take a bath and rock the slightly unshowered look as well, I think this is what the ancient folks called “being a hipster.”
6:20- Surprisngly, Peeta has a great sense of humor which is nice because everyone’s frowning all the time. I mean, he gets my jokes about how mauve is a disgusting color on Effie, no matter how much she accessorizes with it. He nominates vermillion as “her color” which is a strange thing for a straight guy to say to a girl on a date. I chalk this up to his natural aesthetic abilities.
6:23- Peeta says he wants to “show me something.” I instantly think it must be his junk and I can’t decide whether or not this is a good thing. I mean, everyone needs some tension relief in the ol’ district and I know that he’s always kind of liked me but COME ON. how bout a little romance? I kind of wish I snuck into Haymitch’s house and got some booze.
6:27- He leads me to a ramshackle house off on the edge of town, previously occupied by this really awful coal miner who used to wink at the young girls. It’s heebie jeebie central.
6:29- we sneak in and I’m instantly taken aback by the beauty. as Peeta lights the candles paintings are visible. It’s not just paintings on canvas either, there are paintings on the walls, roof, etc. I look at Peeta and he smirks, shrugging. being humble could be cute and everything but seeing this kind of stuff makes me wish he was more like, “YEAH BITCHES LOVE PAINTINGS!”
6:45- We’ve settled down for a little picnic amongst the art (more carbs!) and it’s great first date fare. we talk about what we would do if we could do anything, I don’t really have an answer for that because I can’t exactly say “I’d make out with you right now and hard.”
7:00- we get on to the topic of family and I sing a rousing rendition of “Coal Miner’s Daughter.” He laughs but then becomes silent. He wishes he learned songs, but his mother never let him. He looks down, avoiding eye contact.
7:50- almost an hour has gone by and Peeta has NOT stopped talking about what a bitch his mom is. Yeah, I get it. She hits you when you burn bread. I’m not saying it’s great, but what’s that saying? you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family or someone else’s name out of the tribute bowl? The point is, it’s really uncomfortable first date territory and a lady knows that a guy with mommy issues is a danger zone.
8:00- oh god, oh god, he’s crying. stop. help. no. so. Uncomfortable.
8:10- I decide to kiss him just to shut him up, which kind of works. It’s a little weird because I can taste his tears which are regrettably lacking in carbs. I suggest that maybe it’s time to call it a night because I heard that the Peacekeepers are considering starting a curfew. He wipes his nose on his sleeve and agrees, we blow out the candles and start to head home.
8:30- It’s a weird thing when a girl must walk a guy home. He’s just been doing those weird sobbing things where it’s quiet all but for a startling deep breath in. He turns to me and hugs me. Then he most definitely cops a feel while kissing me goodnight. Yeah, touching someone’s boobs is in no way weird when you’ve just talked about their mother issues. anyway, I bid him goodnight.
8:33- Walking home I have conflicting emotions. sure, he’s very cute and very sweet and all that stuff, but sometimes you just want an angry man to be all brooding. that way, when he’s sensitive, it’s extra special.
8:35- a twig snaps beside me and I instantly go into survival mode, which is really just me somewhat crouching and going “WHO’S THERE?” a tall figure steps out of the darkness. It’s that kid Gale who always skips class. my friend Gillyfloss is always talking about him. Apparently he’s pretty “well known” with the older ladies of the town.
8:36- He asks me what I was doing out and I retorted back that I could ask him the same thing. He smiles and nods to Peeta’s house. “Hot date?” Ugh, people that say that are the worst (I say that sometimes). He volunteers to walk me back home. whatever, I guess.
Witchfynde: Give ‘Em Hell
Casually browsing Amazon the other day as one does I was pleasantly surprised to see hidden away somewhere the cover for Give 'Em Hell by Witchfynde. Something I never thought I'd hear again though always wished I might.
My fingers instantly hit the order button and the reissued CD arrived through the letter box today. So thirty years after I had the aural pleasure of listening to this classic I was able to slap it in to the CD player and be transported back in time three decades. Amazing.
Witchfynde is another of those early NWOBHM acts which were that weeks' next...
8:46- It’s silent until he whips out a metal flask that he’s been keeping in his back pocket. He offers some to me and I take it because that’s what cool kids do. Plus I’m getting more and more perturbed about the whole romantic-date-spoiled-by-mom-issues thing.
8:50- We’re back at my house but like a psychic he turns to me and asks if I just want to sit on the porch and hang out. of course I do. Now illuminated by the porch light I realize that this guy is f*cking hot. Plus, booze. It’s really a win win.
9:05- we talk about the last reaping. there was this kid we both grew up with that got sent off which was a huge bummer because the kid was hilarious. He was stupid, but hilarious. we have a good chuckle about the time that someone dared him to eat coal and it turned his mouth black for a week.
9:06- But then things get serious (UGH, AGAIN?) because Gale starts talking about the Capitol and the premise of The Hunger Games. He cites a bunch of literature that I haven’t read because the school system here leaves something to be desired. anyway he goes on and on about something he once read about in these scrolls called the “Occupy” movement. I remind him that we can’t exactly occupy anything because we can’t go to the Capitol because of the lack of transportation issues. He said he also read about a movie that was about an unstoppable train but everyone knows that was a comedy.
9:24- about the third time he says resistance I’m ready to give up. I mean honestly, what’s it take to get a little brevity around here? I’d ask my mom but all she does is sit in the corner and say nothing. They should really change this district’s name to District Buzzkill.
9:30- I say the only thing that I think is positive which is something along the lines of how I think that if he wanted to start a rebellion people would follow him. Stroking a guys ego is not rocket science. Stroking other things to come later?
9:35- I also ask him what the deal with all those rumors about the older women is and he says “Cougars don’t just hang out in the woods.” I don’t know what that mean because Cougars have been extinct for hundreds of years. I once heard there was a documentary about it where an entire town of Cougars lived somewhere in a place called Florida. Or something like that.
9:43- Feeling lubricated due to the harsh liquor that I’ve been feasting on I turn to him and look him dead in the eye. “Can I tell you something?” I ask, he nods with a smile. I pause, choosing my words. “I’ve always thought that the mining of fossil fuel was a stupid endeavor and you’d think that after all this time we’d come up with a better solution.” He laughs. It’s kind of flattering but I’m also being completely serious. He kisses me and it’s WAY better than the salty tear kiss from Peeta. It’s like a man kiss.
9:50- I’m trying not to think about how I’ve already made out with two people tonight. I’m totally going to be called a slut tomorrow, but no matter. This feels nice. Plus it’s not like anyone can be in a bad mood when two really hot guys are into them and I’m into them back for different reasons.
9:53- we start to get lateral, which is cool and everything except he starts attempting to talk dirty. I say attempt because it’s stuff like “I’m going to take you to District 13….and plant a bomb in you.” sure, I can see where he’s going but there are also really different interpretations that can be had.
9:57- Whoopsie his hands up my dress. Don’t think about the fact that running water is scarce and it’s probably covered with coal and dirt. just don’t think about the future UTI…don’t think about it…
10:00- right when I forget about the dangerous of unwashed things touching other things a light shines on us. “Hey, you two!” we sit up and there are two Peacekeepers just standing there, staring at us. They kind of laugh. “Curfew is in–” and suddenly Gale just f*cking BOOKS it. Psh, revolutionary leader. He just doesn’t want to get caught for the booze I bet.
10:02- I talk my way out of getting in trouble for the curfew (I am on my own porch after all) and go upstairs unsatisfied. These guys in this District are so…troubled. how hard is it for a gal to make a little small talk and get to know someone good and proper? there haven’t been therapists in ages and I’m sure as hell not going to tackle the fact that everyone here seems to be suffering from PTSD.
District Buzzkill indeed.
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My 'Hunger Games' Dream Date